I wrote this post a few months ago when Matias first got glasses and have finally gotten to a point where I can polish it up, complete my rambling thoughts and share it with you all. So without further ado, lets discuss the hard parts of parenting.
Recently Matias got glasses, and while they are cute as can be to us adults, I worry about how harsh kids can be, and how he will handle any teasing he might receive. I often wonder about the various interactions that Matias will have with the other kids as he grows, which kids will like him, which kids might pick on him and which kids he gravitates towards. There are days when I pick him up from school where he is sitting away from the group contently watching TV which make me wonder: Why was he sitting alone? Does he sit alone because they don’t like him? Or maybe his friends have already went home for the day.
Last Friday the kid’s school had an Easter Party for each class. I delivered the table-clothes for both of their classes that I had volunteered to take, but didn’t think to take baskets for either of the kids. I didn’t think much of it, even after Matias shared his version of how his day at dinner. It wasn’t until one of the other daycare parents posted pictures of the 3 year old class on the playground doing an egg hunt that I realized that I had forgotten to take his basket, as the pictures showed him not without a basket, but with a random basket they happened to have lying around the daycare. It was in that moment that I got sad, to my core I was saddened that I had let my son down. I had put him in a position to be at a disadvantage, whether he was aware of it or not is another story. The fact that I had made him different, un-cared for in that moment or whatever other thoughts that might have run through his head, I was sad, physically sad for the pain I (might have) put him through.
Whether or not that he realizes it or not, Matias is smart. It could be the way Natalie and I raise him, without baby talk, correcting his words on the spot until he says them right, making him define new words he’s using incorrectly, or just generally setting an example. I’m not sure which part of our parenting has blessed us with this kid, but we have him (and his sister too) He’s quirky, goofy, talkative, and very emotionally intelligent. The last one is the one I worry about most. He cares so much for others, I’m afraid they (or me) won’t meet his expectations and he will be crushed. Luckily, with his emotional intelligence he is quite forgiving as well.
With the way he is developing, I would not be surprised for him to have a few very close lifetime friends. I have friends, but not closes, talk to every day type of friends. I think Matias will, he’s different from me. With that said, I do hope that whatever we may miss as parents his friends will be there for him to round out that support system, which is important. I don’t want to raise a mirror of myself, I want a better version, and I think he’s getting there. Since his best-buddy Carter’s family moved to Michigan he has found a new friends that he talks about all the time Ivana (“Eeee-vaaa-naah dad, Eevaanah ,say it right” – Matias) I can’t tell if he’s sweet on her or just friends, but either way I think he’ll be fine.
Yet I still worry, its kind of my job.